What strikes me about the concept of unconditional love is that none of us know what it is, not really. I know what you’re saying here, but for most parents, and I include myself, there is a distinct need within us that requires our kids to confirm to our idea of right and wrong. This runs so deep, is so engrained in our psychological conditioning that we are willing to damage, or even ruin our relationships with our kids. That’s in spite of our other highly active need to love them and for them to love us.
Our kids are the product of a combination of their biological and psychological makeup, up bringing at home and their broader environment. They largely refect us, and the society we bring them into. They also have their inherent drives, needs and desires.
Why do we think, as parents, we get to dictate to them and push them about in spite of what we brought them into? They are sentient beings, and despite our misled belief that they need to be led, directed and instructed, they are often better at making decisions than we give them credit for.
Why to parents get angry at their kids? Because that's how we’ve been conditioned. That’s what our parents did to us, and worse!
Unconditional love to me is being brave enough and understanding enough of the deeper fundamentals of what it means to be here, to stand back and let our kids create their own path. We don’t need to control it. Our investment in the result is what causes our anger and disconnection.
I don’t always practice this, but I’m working on it.